So... I finally broke down & did it...

I had a past life reading done.

Now, there are those who will think I'm nuts...and that's fine. Won't be the first time, certainly won't be the last, I'm sure. There are those who believe in this kind of thing wholeheartedly, and those who believe it's nothing but utter hogwash. All I can say is that I was floored at the clarity this gave me. The way it explained a lot of things about me, and a lot of my fears, & deep-rooted feelings I have about a lot of things.

I typed up an email for a friend who asked me about it, and I've just copied and pasted it here since I'm too lazy to retype it all. Lol.

So, here goes.



I have a very firm belief in past lives. I always have, even being raised in a Christian home I always believed that we go round way more than once. I'm just very open to other possibilities than what mainstream religion teaches, I guess.

For as long as I can remember, I have absolutely KNOWN that I will die, alone, by being impaled in some fashion, and that I won't live to be old. I have felt this in every fiber of my being ever since I can remember. It has terrified me all my life. I am not afraid to die, I do not fear what's on the other side, I only fear HOW I will die. I've never shared any of this with anyone other than my husband.

Well, I have a friend who is clairvoyant. She does readings for people, both psychic & tarot. For awhile I've wanted her to do a past life reading for me, but have never asked her to. I don't really know why, I just have felt odd approaching her about it. I've had a recurring dream for YEARS that has recently really started coming to me quite often, so I finally asked J to read for me.

Keep in mind, she is adamant about you being completely vague about what you are after when you come to her for a reading. She wants no details at all so that it doesn't hinder the reading.

There were a few things I was curious about & I really wanted to see where this would go...and to see if any of these overwhelmingly strong feelings I have about certain facets of myself had any grounding in previous existences I may have lived....

1) Obviously, the death by being impaled & not living to be old was first and foremost... was this residual memory from a traumatic experience in a previous life?

2) I have always felt deep inside that I am a very strong - warrior like, if you will - woman. Where does this come from? I've always felt very feminine, but very strong...and have absolutely no doubt in my mind that should my life or the life of a loved one be in danger I could kill without a second's hesitation.

3) I have always felt pulled towards homeopathic healing, herbs,and all things mystical & magickal...etc.

4) I am absolutely fascinated with anything medieval, knights, heavy war horses, castles, etc. I also feel a VERY inordinate pull towards Scotland & Ireland...I am also fascinated with Friesian horses, extremely so...along with all of the other baroque breeds.

5) My father died when I was 12 & I was curious to see if he's around me at all.

6) I feel a very strong pull to the horse cultures of the Saromations & Sauromations, they fascinate me. Along with the Mongols & the people of the Asian steppes.

Well, again, I told J NONE of this, not even any hints at anything. She used a ring I wear all the time as a means to 'find' me.

The first thing that came to her was that my spirit guide & my guardians were insistent that I do not listen to them....that I am in a constant buzz & flurry of activity...to the point of it being unhealthy & me being overwhelmed & feeling like I am about to have a nervous breakdown. She was dead on. She said they were showing her me, with a collar around my neck & all these chains running out & attached to my house...which is dead on. I feel tied down & unable to take care of MYSELF because I'm always taking care of my home, those who occupy it, & all of those around me with no time for myself. She said I was surrounded by ravens, which was no surprise to me as they are absoluteyly everywhere I go. Sometimes to the point that I feel like they are right in my face. I've always felt drawn to them, a kinship I suppose. She said that they were trying to tell me that I could have some of the same freedom that they do if I would just take it. Just slow down, take care of myself, and let myself fly. They say it is time to break the chains that I allow to keep me tied down and to soar. Again, none of this is anything I've ever shared with her before. Any of it.

She said my spirit guide is with me all the time. According to her, this is kind of uncommon. She says that spirit guides usually have many, many people that they take care of, that they are there when you need them most. She said mine is a woman, quite tall, way taller than me even, with long hair. She is my constant companion & constantly tries to get me to slow down & take care of myself, but that I don't listen.

The next thing she saw was a woman in a long robe, she said she got a very druidic vibe, but she wasn't positive exactly what the path was. And a long very ornate dagger in a very ornate sheath. Not a sword, but a long dagger...then she paused & said she saw someone tied to a tree. There were others there, but she couldn't see them. I asked if I was the one tied to the tree...and she said yes. Then she TOLD ME I had been having frequent chest pains for about the last year (she was absolutely correct), but maybe not as frequently in recent months. Again, dead on. She then told me that she was getting a very vibrant green glow off of me, particularly my hands...she said I had been a healer. That I had the 'touch'. My hands were tied behind my back & I was tied to a tree. The others were there to do me harm...and one of them stabbed me in the chest. I was killed for my beliefs by those who were doing the bidding of the early church. Then they left me there tied to this tree still alive, to bleed out, alone. Then she told me that the fear I have of being alone (which I've never told her before) stems from that...from dying there alone. It is residual trauma carried over & over & over into subsequent lives that the soul has trouble letting go of.

She said the frequent chest pains this past year were because I died at this age in my previous life. So, basically, I died by being impaled, and I did not live to be an old woman. That absolutely made me feel like, for once, that my fears weren't unfounded. But that they weren't fears I should hold for this life. She told me that there is a Crone who stays with me. She was a teacher or mentor for me in that life. And when I feel those pains in my chest she always pats at them & tells me that it will be alright. Once again, J was dead on as I always get this very faint fluttering sensastion over my chest whenever I've had these pains in the past. J said the Crone is quite old, wears a green mantle & has a gnarled walking stick...very high cheekbones, crinkled eyes, and a long straight nose. She said she is very old, but is very beautiful.

Then she saw me covered in deep blue tattoos or body paint...even my face. Beautiful, swirling, almost celtic in design. Long curly red hair, tied back. I am a fighter, and a good one. Very tall, slender, but muscular, quite agile. My favorite weapon is the staff...I love the feel of the wood shaft in my hands. I am a runner. I can run for miles & miles without stopping. She told me I liked to wear very little, or nothing, when I fought.

When J saw all the beautiful blue tatoos.... she had her eyes closed & her head down & she said... "In particular...you have this gorgeous one on your back, in between your shoulder blades."

The crazy thing about that is that I've been contemplating a tatoo for a very, very long time. Most recently I've decided that I want to get one, of all places....on the back of my neck & possibly spreading down across the tops of my shoulders...most likely in a very ornate tribal/celtic design, but something small & feminine. I haven't told ANYONE this. NO ONE.

I learned today that the blue woad that was believed to have been used for body paint & tattos by the Picts originated in the Asian steppes... just another tiny piece in the puzzle.

Then she told me that she saw great rolling green landscape, with trees on the fringes. She saw a knight....and as she said, "but a knight wearing one of those 'stupid' helmets...lol...the kind that look like a bucket turned upside down on their heads with slits for eyes." LOL. He is a jouster, and quite good. A very large man, light brown hair, blue eyes, and a moustache....once he finally lifts the "stupid" helmet (LOL) where she can see him. He pursued me, but I had no interest in him & tried to evade his attempts to court me. She sees him on his horse, tipping his lance down at me with a kerchief attached to the end, offering it to me, but I refuse it. I am a strong-willed woman who wants nothing to do with a man. Lol. He finally wins my heart, we have a child together...a daughter. This was a very happy life...we were quite wealthy. She sees me on a large, baroque black horse, very long mane & tail, forelock past the tip of his nose. I am riding sidesaddle, galloping out across the rolling green fields. My horse is decked out in all this very ornate finery. It is MY horse, not my husband's, which is rather a big deal during that time period. Long flowing saddle blanket that drapes out across his hindquarters. She says I fuss over him all the time, he is my prize possession. We live in a castle & had a long wonderful life together.

Again, let me reiterate that J knows none of these things about me. Most people don't. She said she gets a very strong medieval vibe off of me. This is definitely the time period in our history that fascinates me the most & I have always felt very strongly drawn to it....that & very ancient civilization.

Also, she said that in every incarnation of me that she saw, I was always tall, slim, & had long curly red hair. And up until about three months ago, I had long, curly red(dish) hair in this life too.

I have this recurring dream...

...I've had it numerous times over the past few years. It started about five years ago. Actually, about the same time that I stumbled onto the picture I mentioned in my last post.

I remember vividly the first time I had the dream. I woke up sobbing, it felt as if my heart were absolutely breaking, and I had this overwhelming feeling of complete, absolute despair. I immediately got up & went to write the dream down. But it didn't come out in journal form with me explaining the dream, it came out, rather, in first person account of exactly what happened in my dream...the sounds, sights, smells, everything I felt. The name mentioned came to me without me even having to think about it, it came right out of the end of my pen with no hesitation as I wrote.


I dreamed of you tonight.

You were reaching out to me from the tangled sheets of our bed at the window. The curtains stirred in the salty sea breeze, the scent of heather heavy in the air, and the waves caressed the rocky crags below, whispering to the moon above.

Your face, raised in relief beneath the silver kiss of the moon, shined like a beacon. Green eyes glowing, your lips moving but no words escape. Still, I hear you whispering, not from your lips, but your eyes. They tell me all I need to know. I’m captured, held prisoner by your gaze.

I dare not move from this place I am rooted to, for I fear you shall disappear with the sea mist if move but an inch, draw but one breath to move toward you. The sheepskin rug beneath my feet is soft, my toes curl into the wool & I’m taken with the memory of us lying on this very rug together. The night that Patrick was conceived. The thought stings my eyes with fiery tears, clogging my throat with an unbearable ache.

And then I always wake up, sobbing, my heart pounding in my chest & feeling as if it's absolutely breaking in two.

The tax man cometh...

...and I teareth outeth my hair.... or something like that. Lol.

Yes, I realize I still have plenty of time before April 15th, but am really trying to get everything in as early as possible this year in order to avoid any further undue stress than is absolutely necessary. Is that even possible? Lol.

Now, can someone please tell me why this picture haunts me? When I look at it it's like someone has sucked the air from my lungs & I'm overcome with a feeling of deep sadness...it's like I KNOW this place for some reason. And whatever the reason is, I fear it wasn't a happy one....

Hmmmmm..... the part of me that believes in past lives & reincarnation has to wonder if this particular place played an important role for me in a previous existence.

Just makes me wonder.

And none of this has anything to do with my jewelry. Other than strong emotions like this are quite often very inspiring to me in my creative process.

Stay tuned.

As I promised myself...

...I've managed to make it two days in a row posting. That may be a new personal record for me. LOL.

I am still scrambling to get caught up and to replenish my shop with lots of new creations after a very busy holiday season. I have all kinds of wonderful vintage stones and brass filigree just waiting for me on my workbench.

Now, to find the time to actually sit down & do something about that.

Which brings me to my next thought.

In the interview with Michelle Rudland of About You Designs, one of the questions she asked was if there were any other artistic pursuits I'd like to dive into. Yes, oh yes. MANY. Which got me to thinking about all the different things I'm interested in, all the different creative avenues that are out there & just how many intrigue me. Which makes me think about just how much of a procrastinator I am. I think that it doesn't help that there are SO MANY different things I'd love to dabble in that it overwhelms me & I don't know where to begin. So I just don't begin anything new. Lol.

I do love to write, have loved to write my entire life. It is still a dream of mine, albeit possibly nothing more than a pipe dream, to be a published author. I have numerous pieces in various stages of completion that have been hanging around for, in many cases, years. I've won or placed well in a few writing contests. But just can't seem to sit down and actually finish my full-length novel. And oh, how I love my characters. They are very near & dear to my heart. I really do want to get their story out and finished. Maybe then they'll leave me alone. Lol.

I would also really love to learn lampworking. And no, for those of you who may not know, that doesn't involve in any way, shape, or form lamps....lol...but creating gorgeous artistic glass beads using a torch, cane glass, & a kiln to explain it simply. There are MANY awesome examples of this fine talent to be found in the Etsy shop, Flamekeeper. This particular bead, Cobbler, happens to be one of my favorites in Flamekeeper's shop. Along with this one, Petrified. It absolutely amazes me the wide-array of designs that can be achieved, as is well-evidenced within this amazing shop.

I'd also love to work on the potter's wheel again.

And work with leaded glass again.

Basketry, again.

Silver art clay.

Silversmithing.

And this is just the short list. Lol.

Most likely my next adventure will be diving into the silver art clay. Unless I can get my hands on a potter's wheel first. But a potter's wheel also means a kiln. And, alas, I don't have that much money saved up just yet.

Wow....

Well, as my last few posts have indicated, yes, I am a procrastinator. And a very BUSY procrastinator. Hence the procrastination. Lol.

I have promised myself that I'm going to get myself into the habit of sitting down and finding something to share here at least a couple of times a week. This was supposed to be cathartic for me, and a way to help fuel my creativity and to keep me motivated.

So. Here I am. And I do have something lovely to share today! I was very flattered to have Michelle Rudland from About You Designs request an interview and the use of some of my photos in order to do a write-up on one of her blogs about my jewelry. She paid me many kind compliments of which I'm very appreciative, though not certain I'm fully deserving of. Lol.

If you'd like to check out the interview, visit About You Designs.

Michelle is a very talented photographer and designer, so be sure to check out all she has to offer! About You Photography.